Grief is a dreaded yet inevitable part of life. Losing a loved one can always be tough, and sometimes, finding the right words to console your friend can be a difficult task.
To help you out, in this article, I’ll share the seven most common Albanian phrases for expressing grief and support during challenging times.
Table Of Contents
Albanian Phrases For Expressing Grief
The expressions below can be used on the funeral day and in the days after someone’s passing as Albanian phrases for expressing grief.
1. Condolences – Ngushëllime
This is the most common way to express grief and sympathy in the case of a loss. During a funeral, you are supposed to shake hands with the family of the deceased and say their Condolences, which in Albanian translates as Ngushëllime. This word can be followed with each one of the phrases below.
2. May You Live Long And Remember The Deceased – Të Rroni E Ta Kujtoni
In northern Albania, in particular, there is a saying that people live for as long as they are remembered. The time frame for their remembrance depends on how good of a person the deceased was during their lifetime and how much they’ll be missed.
3. May You Live Long And Remember The Deceased – Të Rroni E Ta Kujtoni
This phrase is usually used when the deceased has advanced in years and has had family members to take care of in old age. Albanians believe that the blessings you get from the elderly will grant you favors in God’s eyes and bless you with abundance in life. The vice versa is also true, according to their belief; not taking good care of or abandoning an old person will bring curses and bad luck. Hence the phrase “may the deceased have left their blessing,” which in Albanian goes Ju pastë lënë uratën.
4. May The Rest Of You Live Long – Ju Pastë Lënë Jetë Të Tjerëve
When consoling someone who has lost a direct family member, you should say, Ju pastë lënë jetë të tjerëve, which, in English, is closest to “May the rest of you” (the deceased’s family) live long.
5. May He/She Be In Paradise – Qoftë I Parajsës
This expression offers condolences, but it has a much more spiritual meaning. This is commonly used among Albanians, regardless of their religion.
6. May The Earth Be Easy Upon Them – I Qoftë I Lehtë Dheu
This is used to wish peace and eternal rest upon the deceased. It is an expression closely related to the faith in the Abrahamic religion, in which it is believed that all souls will be held accountable for their deeds in front of God. By saying this, you are wishing that the deceased soul has had an easy pass to paradise after their death.
7. May He/She Be In The Light – Dritë Pastë
This can be used for years after someone’s death. The meaning of the Light is being in the presence of God. Whenever Albanians mention a beloved one who has passed away, they say their name and immediately after make this small prayer. So, for example, my father, may his soul be in the light, passed away six years ago (Babai im, dritë pastë ka vdekur para gjashtë vitesh).
Another version of this expression is ndjesë pastë, which means he/she has peace and forgiveness.
Albanian Tradition
The mourning period lasts for days, even though the burial of the deceased takes place shortly after death. Family and friends gather at the house of the deceased, and the casket is brought home for a full night so that it can be buried the next day. This is done for ceremonial reasons, but it is also believed that the deceased has the right to pass one last day in their home, making their transition to the spiritual world easier and without regret.
The ceremony continues after the burial. The family of the deceased receives condolence visits continuously for three to seven days. During this time, close relatives stay with the family to offer support and manage household tasks. After this period, another small ceremony is held, called ‘the thirds’ (të tretat) or ‘the sevens’ (të shtatat), depending on how many days the home has remained open for visitors. The family visits the grave and organizes a service for their loved one. After this, daily life resumes.
Though visitors are less frequent after the first few days, the family remains open to those who come to offer their support. After 40 days, they hold another service, called ‘the fortieth’ (të dyzetat). This is a Christian tradition, which believes that the soul stays 40 days in purgatory before its place in heaven is accepted or denied.
The final tradition is the one-year remembrance. Close family, relatives, and friends gather at a final service to pay their last respects. They visit the cemetery to mourn and leave fresh flowers, and afterward, there is a lunch for everyone, called ‘the bread of the deceased’ (buka e të ndjerit). This is considered the last charitable act of the deceased, and it is a sign of respect to attend for the sake of their soul.
The Song Of Mourning – Kënga E Vajit
Albanians preserve millennia-old traditions of expressing grief. If you’ve seen the movie Troy, you may recall the scene of Hector’s burial, where women sing mournfully. This ritual is still preserved in Albania and some regions of Greece. Ancient Greeks and Illyrians shared similar traditions and laws, so it’s not surprising that they grieved in the same way. These rituals have been passed down through generations and continue to be practiced today.
The kënga e vajit (song of mourning) can be quite moving, even if you don’t understand a word. The song is emotionally intense, expressing deep pain and grief. It recalls the deceased’s life and good deeds, calling out to him one last time, hoping he will answer the family.
For the most part, women grieve with singing, although in some parts of Albania, men also participate in this tradition. In southern Albania, the song is accompanied by a chorus of oiii sounds, influenced by the region’s polyphonic music. This only makes the song of mourning more earnest, deepening its emotional impact.
The Lament Of Men – Gjama E Burrave
The Lament of Men, or Gjama e Burrave as it is called in Albanian, is an ancient pagan practice that has been preserved among Albanians. To understand this custom better, let’s revisit the Iliad. When Achilles mourned the death of his cousin Patroclus, he beat his chest, scratched his face, tore his hair, and wailed aloud to express his intense grief. This was a common grieving practice among the Illyrians, Greeks, and other neighboring peoples of those very old times. Gjama e Burrave is the closest surviving ritual to this practice, as described in Homer’s Iliad.
What makes this custom particularly remarkable is its connection to Albanian history. In 1468, the Lord of Albania, Gjergj Kastrioti Skanderbeg, was buried with this very ritual. Upon seeing the coffin, his ally and brother-in-law, Prince Lek Dukagjini, began the ritual himself. His grief was so intense that other men quickly joined in, and the Gjama e Burrave was so loud that it echoed through the mountains. This ritual became deeply ingrained in the culture of the highlanders, especially in the regions of Dukagjin, Shkodra, Gjakova, Puka, and the Great Highlands.
The Gjama e Burrave is exactly as it sounds: tragic. The eldest man present at the funeral is chosen as the leader in respect of his age and knowledge. The group begins by removing their heavy clothing (if it’s winter), placing their hands on their hips, and holding their arms open. The leader gives the signal, and the group starts moving, sometimes twisting left and right, bending forward, and then rising, hitting the ground with one foot and then the other, all while screaming in unison. Then, they raise their heads, put one hand to their mouth and the other to their ear, releasing a mourning sound and calling out the name of the deceased with power, lengthening their voice.
In the second phase, they march toward the corpse (covering a distance of about 50-100 meters) and stop all at once. Head up, chest exposed, hands on hips, legs slightly apart. The group waits for the leader’s signal. When given, they exclaim, “Hoo!” or “Ho!”; remove their hands from their hips, clench their fists, and forcefully raise them. They hold this position while chanting, I mjeri unë për ty! (“How miserable I am for your death!”) before lowering their fists and slamming them on their exposed chests. This continues until the mourning concludes, at which point one of the grieving family members thanks the mourners and calls for them to stop.
This ritual should involve at least ten men— the more men, the deeper the respect for the deceased.
If the deceased is a man, then there is no limit to who should participate, but if it’s a woman, only the man of her family and tribe should do this. However, there are recorded cases when matriarchs have been honored by all men by calling her “our brother” instead. This is a sign of deep respect and is connected with the burrnesha status in Albanian society.
This tradition continued in Albania until 1960 when the communist regime officially banned it. Nowadays, it is rarely practiced.
How To Behave Respectfully In An Albanian Funeral
When attending an Albanian funeral, there are some unwritten rules you must follow to show respect and support for the family of the deceased. Here’s what you should know:
- Wear black—this is very important. Doesn’t matter if you’re not in Albanian traditional clothes, what matters is that your clothes should be black, modest, and unrevealing. Dark blue or brown is also fine, but make sure that your outfit doesn’t have any popping color details.
- No big jewelry—don’t wear anything that attracts attention or looks extravagant because it will be considered tacky and rude. Of course, you can keep your wedding ring or a pair of golden hoops, but keep it simple and small.
- No makeup—Nowadays, the rules have relaxed quite a lot, so you don’t have to go barefaced if you don’t want to. But if you must, this is the time to go for the no-makeup-makeup look. As mentioned, no popping colors, and definitely try to avoid anything too glamorous.
- No loud talking or laughing—this should go without saying in any funeral, Albanian or not, but I thought it’s worth mentioning anyway.
- Keep the greetings short—especially if there is a line waiting to shake hands after you. The hosts will be too polite to say anything, but it’s still considered rude. Shake their hands, say your condolences, and move on. You can talk to your friends after the funeral.
- Money in a funeral? It’s a tradition in most regions of Albania to leave some money during the funeral when served the coffee. This has been a practice forever because Albanians help each other out with funeral expenses. The saying goes that every dead person buries himself because of this. Those donations, though, are considered moral debts; you have to visit other people in case of need, the same way they did when they lost someone. Foreigners are not required or expected to uphold this tradition, but if you do, then consider yourself part of their family guests.
- No invitation—Albanians call only the closest friends and relatives to funerals; the rest can go if they feel like they should; there is no obligation. Most Albanians, though, consider it an act of goodwill and respect to attend funerals, even if there is someone they don’t know well.
- The Last Supper—I am not sure if this has anything to do with religion, or Christianity in particular, but after the funeral, Albanians host a last meal for the deceased. Everybody is invited, and it is considered a good act to go because it is done on behalf of the deceased’s soul.
How Do You Say Grief In Albanian?
The direct translation of grief in Albanian is hidhërim, pronounced as hee-thuh-REEM. However, when referring specifically to grief during a mourning period, the correct phrase is mbajtja e zisë (the holding of mourning), pronounced as M-bite-yah eh zee-suh.
Albanian Vocabulary Related To Grief
New words and phrases can help you improve your Albanian language skills. For more practice, check out the Ling app.
Frequently Asked Questions Related To Grief In Albanian
1. What Are Some Appropriate Ways To Express Condolences In Albanian Culture?
In Albanian culture, expressing condolences is typically heartfelt and respectful. You can say: Ngushëllime (Condolences) or Ju pastë lënë jetë! ( May the rest of you live long.)
2. Should I Be Wearing Black At An Albanian Funeral?
Yes, you should wear black, modest clothes when attending an Albanian funeral. Deep blue or deep brown are also acceptable for non-close relatives. Make sure to tone down the makeup and the jewelry, too.
3. Are There Any Specific Rituals Or Traditions I Should Be Aware Of When Attending An Albanian Funeral?
Traditional mourning periods in Albania range from 40 days to a year, depending on the mourner’s relationship with the deceased. During this time, rituals and gatherings are observed to honor the departed and support their loved ones.
Wrapping Up
As we come to a close, we can agree that mastering Albanian phrases for expressing grief not only helps you communicate empathy and support but also strengthens your cultural connection with the Albanian language and its people. When used with care and understanding, these phrases provide a meaningful way to navigate sensitive moments.
